Dear Campus Community,

It is with a grateful heart and sense that all of the world is ONE that I reach out to wish each of you a restful and relaxing Thanksgiving break. May the time you spend with family and friends be enjoyable and restorative. If like us, you have a blended family, may the children from your previous marriages get along well, and may those same children show at the least the appearance of respect to step-parents, especially if they became your step parents after you were already an adult.

Our community has collectively stepped up over this past year to enhance the signature Willard College experience that has enriched and transformed lives for a while. We have reworked the GRID, we have completed renovations on several bathrooms, and we remain certified and licensed to deliver college degrees, including our new signature degree program in . On behalf of President Henry Cotton, Dr. Cheryl Tina Fae Cotton, the Board of Trustees, and the many loyal administrators, I wish to offer each of you our sincere gratitude for your perseverance, servile loyalty, and ingenuity. And remember,  Every ‘why’ has a ‘who’ Every ‘who’ is a ‘why.’

Your love and faith in us inspires us.

Peace and blessings,

Henry and Cheryl Tina Fae

Dear Community,

Recently we shared exciting news that Stewie Cake was set to graduate. Sadly, that news is no longer correct. Mr. Cake will not allowed to graduate until he pays the $3,489.32 in parking tickets and moving violations he accrued during his tenure as a student with Willard College. As per the Willard College Student Handbook, students may only pay fines while still enrolled students. Those same students may not graduate until all fines are paid.

We thank you for your consideration in this matter.

Sincerely, President Henry Cotton

Dear Community, We are thrilled to announce the surprising news that Stewie Cake, full time student at Willard College since he stepped onto our campus in the Fall of 2006, is set to graduate. He is finishing up three Incompletes, a missing Gym credit, and has paid library overdue fines and a fine for damages to his dorm room in 2009. Stewie has had a storied career at Willard. Entering as undeclared, he went on to declare a History major, which he then changed to a Business major, which he then changed to a Finance major, and then he took a pause in 2010, and returned to his first love, Undeclared. Eventually, Stewie went on to a self-designed major in Psychology and Sports Media, before once more returning to Undeclared.

Willard College appreciates the many sacrifices he, his mother, his grandparents, and several aunts made to allow Stewie the freedom to explore his many interests and passions.

Good Luck Stewie Cake. We’ll miss you.

Sincerely, Dr. President Henry Cotton

Dearest Colleagues Faculty,

As you arrive to your work today, remember this simple mantra: Every ‘why’ has a ‘who’ Every ‘who’ is a ‘why.’

Blessedly,

Dr. Cheryl Tina Fae Cotton, Director of Campus Spiritual Life

Dear Faculty, Effectively Spring 2023, we are operating under a new class schedule grid and credit system. In consultation with one of the top educational thought leading firms, we are confident that the system will optimize the student experience, reduce stress for faculty, and improve learning outcomes.

For the schedule grid, you will need to create an account with FreeGrid. There is a nominal fee. Ask your chair about the forms you’ll want to fill out to be reimbursed, which may take between 2 to 24 weeks. How does it work? Fill in when you want to teach. For a three credit class, you might decide on MWF 9am-950am. Or you might teach it Friday night 6pm-9pm. Or you might want to teach it MW 1230-1pm, Tuesday 8am-8:30am, and Friday 315pm-405pm. You decide. The students build their schedule by tracking the schedules of the classes they want and making sure there are no overlaps. There is NO predetermined grid.

You can also remix credits. You need to teach a total of 9 credits. You can teach one 9 credit class. You can teach nine 1 credit classes. You can teach eighteen 1/2 credit classes.

FreeGrid is about freedom. Freedom to choose. But don’t forget to register and pay the fee or the system will crash.

Thanks,

Vanderbilt Snowden, Director of Student Academics

Dear Colleagues in Pinel Hall,

I would like to alert everyone on the second floor of a disturbing situation to which I became aware earlier this week. A cucumber, actually THIS cucumber is mine. I had brought it up a few weeks ago and was planning to have it for lunch on Wednesday. But is gone. Fortunately, I had thought to take a picture of the vegetable the previous, being Tuesday I believe. Would the person or persons who stole this vegetable, my vegetable kindly return it to me or compensate me for the item.

Thank you,

Vladisl Grynn

Dear Willard College Graduates and Supporters,

Please send Willard College CASH NOW!!!! As many of you know, financial planning for an institution of higher education has grown increasingly difficult. As Willard has grown and its mission has diversified, we have faced unprecedented challenges in keeping the books balanced. Cash is king right now because it is easier to move into the various areas of operation that keep the College functioning. With cash we can more easily make choices about stopping up the revenue gaps.

Thanks,

Vice President of Finances, Dr. Dominic Ponzi

Dear Vandergrind,

Hey, who told you to fire Pousse de Fauteuil? Do you have any idea what that guy knows about the things you and I were talking about last week concerning some financial matters involving myself, Cheryl Tina Fae Cotton, and Board members. Get him back on the payroll, give him a raise, and then come to talk to me. Don’t make a big to do about it.

Henry

Dear Campus Community,

After a series of incidents, Dr. Pousse de Fauteuil, special Assistant to Provost Vandergrind, is seeking new opportunities not at Willard College. We wish him well and thank him for his eight months, three days, nine hours, fifteen minutes, and 43 seconds of tireless service for which he received little acknowledgement or thanks.

Provost Vandergrind