Dr.Polly Esther Pillow, ex-wife of former Provost Pillow has published a novel based on the life of Mrs. Scatcherd, wrongly accused mean teacher in Jane Eyre.

Inspired by Mrs. Scatcherd’s love of order and the way that her character has been so oftentimes maligned, Dr. Pillow was moved to write a novel from the teacher’s point of view. As Dr. Pillow notes in the preface to the book, she was really inspired by this passage:

“On reaching the bedroom, we heard the voice of Miss Scatcherd: she was examining drawers; she had just pulled out Helen Burns’s, and when we entered Helen was greeted with a sharp reprimand, and told that to-morrow she should have half-a-dozen of untidily folded articles pinned to her shoulder. “My things were indeed in shameful disorder,” murmured Helen to me, in a low voice: “I intended to have arranged them, but I forgot.” Next morning, Miss Scatcherd wrote in conspicuous characters on a piece of pasteboard the word “Slattern,” and bound it like a phylactery round Helen’s large, mild, intelligent, and benign-looking forehead.”

Scatchered is being optioned for a film to be produced by Willard College graduate and independent film maker, Jason Spiker

Dear Mr. Spiker,

Since contracting Spiker, Spiker, and Flanagan as my personal talent and public relations firm, I have been nothing but disappointed. I find myself in a professional and personal death spiral. You get me no speaking gigs, you get none of my pathbreaking opinion pieces published, you fail to promote my legal defense against spurious charges in public media venues that could get any meaningful attention, and I have received exactly zero offers for consulting work. And sadly, because I have at this point no public profile beyond Willard College internal communications, that are occasionally read by industry leaders outside of the college, I have been unable to find another talent agency willing to take me on as a client unless I pay large upfront and non-refundable fees. And so I find myself living off of my Willard College salary, which is well above industry standards, but not at the level that I had hoped for.

As always Mr. Spiker, I ask for your discretion in this matter. Neither the College nor my wife, Cheryl Tina Faye Cotton, know that I am working with your outfit. But let’s see if we can move the old dial a bit here.

Thanks, and best regards to Mrs. Spiker.

Henry

Dear Campus Community, During the last month, President Henry Cotton and his wife and Director of Mental Health Services, Dr. Cheryl Tina Fae Cotton, have been subjected to a scurrilous and unfounded series of lies concerning their work and financial interests. We will be addressing each of the 46 accusations in a subsequent communique. Please hold the Cottons in your prayers during these trying times.

Sincerely, Bud Hammerman, Chief Legal Counsel