Willard College’s New Major: Bachelor in Language Management

Diplomatic Protocol Circular

After a busy July planning, hiring, repurposing, and rescheduling, Willard College proudly announces the inauguration of the Bachelor in Language Management! As the classic liberal arts programs have proven themselves to be increasingly irrelevant, and even hated in some quarters, Willard College decisively moved forward to create a new major that responds to the vital needs of government and private entities. Colleges, corporations, the armed forces, all levels of government, public schools, etc. are desperate to hire people trained in the art of managing the message, keeping organizations on the message, and, most importantly, being able to massage the message when circumstances change.  BLM major will be trained in the art of the bullet p0ints, the talking points, and other points.

Sincerely, Henry Cotton, President of Willard College

Cheap Chinese Chicken: The Memo


Dear President Cotton,

I’m pleased to hear that Willard College has signed the contract to allow CCC, Inc to be the exclusive provider of all campus chicken products. I think your students will get years of enjoyment out of our locally sourced and traditionally raised and slaughtered poultry. You seemed especially taken by our policy of never over-refrigerating the chicken. In fact, many of the most important poultry flavors come from¬†letting the meat settle in the open air. A properly aged chicken, like fine wine, takes on the flavors of nature, the sun, the humidity, and particulate matter invisible to the human eye. As with all of our new clients, the first shipment will come with specific instructions for the safe storage and processing of our product.

Thank you for your careful attention to all of the details in this transaction. Clearly there were major hurdles to getting this contract through!

Best regards, Charles Chownes, CEO, CCC, Inc.