Provost Pillow explains his Provostal Philosophy

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Dear Beloved Faculty,

I know that the past year has been a difficult one, with several provosts arriving and leaving and even a brief period of having three provosts at the same time. Faculty at Willard College are like children whose Momma takes up with a new man every month. After a while, the children don’t know who to call “Daddy” any more. I hope that in the months to come, you will all come understand that I’m for real, I’m not going anywhere (I just bought a house and my wife Kathy is already volunteering at the Sylvester County Unified School District where our children are enrolled), and when you are ready and comfortable, you can call me “Daddy” and know it means something.

So, now that you know a bit more about me, you must be wondering: How is Provost Pillow going to work with, and to, faculty. I really base my provostal philosophy on one word: EQUITY. I don’t make distinctions based on anything. You are all the same to me, just like my own kids. I promise.

As we move forward, please feel free to contact me and we can arrange one-on-one or small group meetings. I want to hear from you.

Sincerely,

Provost Pillow

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Willard College Endowment Drops 89% on News of Chinese Stock Market Decline and Yuan Devaluation

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We engaged in best financial practices and the administrators tasked with the care of our endowment did so with the deepest appreciation of their fiduciary responsibilities to Willard College, its trustees, and the President. Moreover, and furthermore, the allegation that a conflict of interest may have clouded investment decisions is, I assure you, baseless.

Morton Feeghan, Chief Fiduciary Officer

Department of English reaches Willard College enrolment goals for Spring 2016

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Dear Department of English,

On behalf of President Cotton, the Board of Trustees, and myself, I want to congratulate your department on reaching the enrolment milestone set by the administration back in 2010. As of the Spring 2016 semester, Willard College has no English majors or minors. English courses that had been put on the Course Menu for the Spring 2016 semester have been deleted. In the next few weeks, each member of your department will receive a “reassignment assessment.” The results of the assessment will determine whether faculty will be re-purposed to the Masters of Arts in Administrative Communication program, to the Assessment and Accreditation Review Committee, or to the Bachelor of Arts in Language Management program. Faculty who are not rerouted to one of those units can expect to receive an additional “pre post-employment re-assessment.”

Thanks again for your hard work in making the Humanities what they have become at Willard College.

Sincerely, Provost Pillow