Dear Faculty in the Institute of Human Studies (formerly Departments of English, Anthropology, History, etc),

After years of fundraising, sending out for bids, starting and stopping construction, changing our minds, sending plans back to architects, having the state order a work stoppage to assess the environmental impact on the campus wetlands, conducting intensive asbestos abatement, rebuilding after the two fires, counter-suing the plumbing subcontractor, and locating several hundred misplaced receipts, we finally can announce that the new  Institute of Human Studies Sustainable Educational Systems Complex is operational. Faculty will move in next week!

Please have your offices packed up and emptied by Sunday.

Best, Dean of Facilities, Dr. Guy Quetel

P.S. Remember to renew your elevator and bathroom passes by the end of next week.

Dear President Cotton,

First, I wanted to thank you and the Vice President of Alumni Offices for running a story in the Willard College Lives and Lives! Alumni Magazine about my thirty one  years at the College as a member of the “FlexFax” team. (What a great improvement over “adjunct!”)  You can imagine my surprise in learning that I am the longest surviving FlexFax at the college. With the constant travel to my other places of employment, biannual office moves, the frequent retooling (the summer that I had to learn Chinese and GIS and prepare Introduction to Genetics is a blur), the annual and costly trips to conferences to interview for permanent positions, frequent changes of residence, a failed custody battle, plus the two hour commute home at the end of each day, I lost track of the years!

Willard College has changed since I first arrived. In the early days, it was tricky to figure out which buildings  still housed patients.  And so I’m all the more grateful for the renovated office facilities that came on line since then. All the more reason, then, that I share your concerns about the recent fires. I want you to know that I speak on behalf of all of the FlexFax when I say that we hope the perpetrator of these crimes is quickly apprehended.

Sincerely,

Hammond Phillip Phillips, PhD

Dear Prospective Students, Are you interested in spending a week at a real live college? Does dining in one of the campus’ 16 specialty eateries, cafés, and juice bars sound like fun? You have probably never slept in a dormitory like the Willard Home Suites. While on campus, you can visit the Willard IMAX Instructional Auditorium where you can watch a 3-D around-sound lesson on college personal financies! Or spend an afternoon with the Willard College Military College Cadets and see what it feels like to fire live rounds with an M-16.

Modeled on one of the nation’s educational trend setters, College for a Weekend comes with a reasonable price tag of $500.00. Should you be accepted to Willard College and decide to enroll, 30% of the deposit will be deducted from the weekend fee.

Hope to see you soon, Pilcher Delacorte, Vice Provost for Admissions