Willard College Asks Graduates and Supporters to SEND CASH NOW!

Dear Willard College Graduates and Supporters,

Please send Willard College CASH NOW!!!! As many of you know, financial planning for an institution of higher education has grown increasingly difficult. As Willard has grown and its mission has diversified, we have faced unprecedented challenges in keeping the books balanced. Cash is king right now because it is easier to move into the various areas of operation that keep the College functioning. With cash we can more easily make choices about stopping up the revenue gaps.

Thanks,

Vice President of Finances, Dr. Dominic Ponzi

Secret Memo: Why we cannot fire Pousse de Fauteuil

Dear Vandergrind,

Hey, who told you to fire Pousse de Fauteuil? Do you have any idea what that guy knows about the things you and I were talking about last week concerning some financial matters involving myself, Cheryl Tina Fae Cotton, and Board members. Get him back on the payroll, give him a raise, and then come to talk to me. Don’t make a big to do about it.

Henry

Special Assistant to┬áProvost Vandergrind, Dr. Pousse de Fauteuil, Leaving Willard College to Pursue Other Opportunities

Dear Campus Community,

After a series of incidents, Dr. Pousse de Fauteuil, special Assistant to Provost Vandergrind, is seeking new opportunities not at Willard College. We wish him well and thank him for his eight months, three days, nine hours, fifteen minutes, and 43 seconds of tireless service for which he received little acknowledgement or thanks.

Provost Vandergrind