Application Essays for Willard College: Where Dreamers Dream Dreams

Please answer the following essay prompts. The Willard College Dean of Admissions, Dr. Leonard Primple, will use your answers to assess your application file.

  1. Why do you wish to attend Willard College?
  2. Tell us a little bit about your family? What sort of house did you grow up in? What was the neighborhood like? Did you vacation at the local state forest or in Paris?
  3. Can you explain why a table setting would have more than two forks?
  4. What kind of work do your parents do? Do you wish to follow in their footsteps? Upon graduation from college, do you anticipate working in the family business? What sort of business is it and what is its capitalization?
  5. How much money do you have in your wallet right now? What do the credit limits on the credit cards in your possession reveal about who you are as a person?
  6. Explain your feelings about debt? Does it make a difference if the debt is in your name or in that of a close family member?
  7. What kinds of career goals do you have? Do you think the college one attends should be held responsible if you cannot obtain work in your desired field?
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Commencement Plans to be Adjusted, As We Continue As Planned

 

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Dear Willard Community,

We regret to inform you that the previously contracted commencement speaker, Herbert Kutschbach, will not be available. Since agreeing to speak at our commencement, his health has deteriorated, making travel from Bolivia to the United States extremely difficult. The good news is that we will be sticking with the Triumph of the Will theme, even as we search out a new commencement speaker.

Meanwhile, I should like to remind everyone that the scheduled daily drills and rehearsals are continuing. Please block out 3pm-6pm and be dressed out and ready to go. As all faculty are required to participate, classes normally held at those hours have been cancelled for the remainder of the semester. Rehearsals and drills will also take place on Saturdays and Sundays.

By now, you have received the three 3-ring binders with the choreography, music, costumes (including costume changes), instructions for handling the torches, and for those deemed in need of trimming their weight, a diet plan. You should memorize those parts that have been highlighted in yellow; yellow highlighter indicates the portion of the plan that are specific to your part. Your costumes have already been purchased, an expense that the college will absorb until the cost (including tax, shipping and a nominal handling fee) has been deducted from your next pay check.

I don’t need to remind the Willard College faculty and staff that this program means a great deal not only to the college, but to Associate Provost for Admissions, Curtland Schickel, Provost Gauleiter, the Board of Trustees, and me.

I’ll see you out on the football field soon.

Best, President Henry Cotton

Leading by Following the Followers

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Willard College is proud to announce that we continue to follow national trends in raising the ratio of tenured faculty to students, increasing our part-time and adjunct’s contribution to work-load streams, improving the depth of our administrative and professional staff coverage, doubling expenditure per student-athlete while holding cost per student-academic steady, and moving our price point upward in a trajectory ahead of national averages. Although we did not make into the Delta Cost Project at the American Institutes for Research, due to a clerical oversight, our own research suggests that Willard College would have been a stand out institution. No doubt the report would have lauded our innovative FlexFax Teams, our Tuition Reconfiguration Package, our warm embrace of MOOCs, and many other bold steps into the 21st century.

As president of this institution, there is no greater pride I can feel than knowing that students, staff, and faculty, are ready to make the kinds of sacrifices necessary to keep Willard College at the front of the middle of the line.

Best wishes, President Henry Cotton

Triumph of the Will at Willard!

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Faculty, Please remember that you are expected to march in the upcoming commencement ceremonies and that you must purchase your Willard College-approved apparel from the bookstore by the end of the month. It is critically important that we present a unified Willard brand to our graduating seniors and their fee-paying parents. Marching in step is all the more important this year because of our innovative commencement program.

As you know, the search for a commencement speaker who can direct the audience toward the Willard experience, hit the ten “Willard Way” themes, and reinforce our price point, is never easy. After an exhaustive search by one of the nation’s top speaker engagement firms, Spotlight Speakers and Entertainment, we have secured the services of the one the world’s greatest film-makers, Herbert Kutschbach. The last surviving member of Leni Riefenstahl’s film crew, Mr. Kutschbach will reflect on his early path-breaking work. To close the loop between his address and the graduation ceremonies, the theme of this year’s commencement will be  “Triumph of the Will at Willard College: Achieving Excellence after Graduation.” At the speaker’s recommendation, the commencement will be held at night, with each procession participant carrying a torch!

Obviously, we do not want to see any of the sorts of displays by malcontents that marred last year’s events. And to make sure the procession goes off without a hitch, there will be weekly practices, starting next week. Please keep an eye out for announcements of the schedule as it may require rescheduling class-time with seniors.

With deep gratitude,

President Henry Cotton