President Cotton, Dr. Cheryl Tina Fae Cotton, Director of Campus Spiritual Life, Dr. Julien Donnerpass, Associate Director of Student Intellectual Pathways, Vanderbilt Snowden, Director of Student Academics, Vice President of Finances, Dr. Dominic Ponzi, Provost Vandergrind, Gustav Kissenbezug, President of the Board of Trustees, Dr. Lusitania Glüm, PhD, Director of Marketing and Promotion, and Dr. Lester Carraway, Interim Executive Director of Faculty Enhancements cordially invite you to the 2022 Holiday Celebration to ring in the end of a great semester and the holiday season.
Come and enjoy a wide variety of food. Because of several incidents last year, alcohol will not be made available to faculty. Administrators need only show their campus id cards and they will be served beverages of their choice.
To end the evening there will be a basket raffle in which everyone has the opportunity to take home a lovely holiday gift. We ask that you RSVP directly, in writing, to Dr. Lester Carraway.
Sincerely, Dr. Henry Cotton, Friend and Comrade
Willard College 
Dear President Cotton, or, should I say, Cottonmouth, oh ye of forkéd tongue and jagged tooth, FATUOUS be thy name! I shall indeed attend the party dressed as an invisible presence so that you may not know me! You and your ilk have refused to privilege the Department of Departmental Affairs, of which I am honcho emeritus. Thus, I come armed, and you will find yourself at the receiving end of endless exclamation points, hurled at your wicked head. Beware, Cotton, beware! Yours with guile and ghastly grin, Leslie Phullokraap
Thank you for your response. Due to heavy volume of emails, a personal response may not be possible
Okay, Cotton, I’ve had it! That’s it, let’s take it outside!
LP
Thank you for your response. Due to heavy volume of emails, a personal response may not be possible