Dear Willard College community,
During these times of financial duress, Willard College is pleased to announce an update to your Dental Insurance coverage. Effective today, we have streamlined availability and in-network provider offerings to a single practice, that of Dr. Christian Szell. Dr. Szell is well-known to our community, having practiced dentistry at Willard prior to its conversion to an institution of higher education. Patients have reported him to have an excellent record of patient satisfaction and no complaints or filings with the state dentistry board. Please follow us for an update from Human Resources professionals regarding the coverage allowed.
Sincerely, Special Assistant to Provost Vandergrind, Dr. Pousse de Fauteuil
My spouse and I have been arguing whether Willard is pronounced with the emphasis on the first or last syllable. I say it should be the second syllable, as in willARD or willAHD. WILLard just sounds so common, and I believe that the college would advance in the rankings if it were willARD. Your thoughts, please?
Some times we receive what people think are “Funny” or “Jokey” posts. Glad you are taking things seriously. Are you related to Chris Sinton, an infamous grifter who separated many retirees from their life savings and is now doing time at Sing Sing? He’s a good pal.
I don’t know which “people” you’re referring to, but I find nothing amusing about Chris Sinton, head of the infamous Sinton Posse — five men who ritually run roughshod over our financial futures, Further, you will be known by the company you keep! Were I related to them, ne’er would I admit to it!
They sound just awful…
[…] It is with hints of bittersweet chocolate, early post-war Italian neo-realism, and pink roses that we announce the departure of Dr. Prodigo who has decided to look for opportunities away from her beloved Willard College. Dr. Prodigo became well-known on campus teaching classes that students enjoyed and for her repeated calls for criminal investigations against Dr. Cotton, Dr. Cheryl Tina Fae Cotton (also known as Dr. Cotton but it gets confusing having TWO Dr. Cottons), the Board of Trustees, and several (actually all) former and current administrators, including Provost Pillow. In a series of wildly unsubstantiated and frankly difficult to believe public letters, Dr. Prodigo claimed that the Board of Trustees was engaging in money laundering, the administrators were taking bribes from Dr. Henry Cotton in exchange for signing non-disclosure agreements, certain administrators covered up crimes committed outside of campus by Dr. Cheryl Tina Fae Cotton and used the Willard College endowment with the knowledge of the Board of Trustees to cover court costs and fees associated with legal proceedings. Dr. Prodigo also claimed the monies saved by cutting departments and reducing budgets of those surviving departments were siphoned off by the Drs. Cottons and their close Board of Trustees associates. Dr. Prodigo accused our beloved and now deceased Associate Provost for Athletic Affairs, Dr. Primo Juan Gomes de Farandula, M.D., PhD., of committing war crimes. The not soon enough departing professor also had the absolute temerity to question whether we were hiring too many administrators. When the College experienced some unspecified disturbances, including a number of fires, many pointed the finger at Dr. Prodrigo, who also raised a number of invalid concerns about changes to faculty and staff dental plans. […]