Dear Willard College supporters (both moral and financial). A reader from Delhi, New York, writes with an interesting question:

“My spouse and I have been arguing whether Willard is pronounced with the emphasis on the first or last syllable. I say it should be the second syllable, as in willARD or willAHD. WILLard just sounds so common, and I believe that the college would advance in the rankings if it were willARD. Your thoughts, please?”

Dear Arguing Spouses,

First, don’t argue. Willard College is about the love. But you are discussing an important question. The Board of Trustees has grappled with this question and at present has reached no clear decision. Many, including Dr. President Henry Cotton and his radiant and brilliant wife Cheryl Tina Fae Cotton agree. Your letter was shared with the Cottons and they will raise the issue at the next Board meeting. In closing, would you consider joining the Million Dollar Club? For a $1000 donation per week, you get unlimited access to the Willard College Golf Club and a lunch on us with the Cottons at their newly built and delicately appointed lake home.

Sincerely, Special Assistant to Provost Vandergrind, Dr. Pousse de Fauteuil