Dear Willard College Campus,

Special Assistant to Provost Vandergrind, Dr. Pousse de Fauteuil is Missing. He was last seen after breakfast this morning. He was wearing a grey suit with speckles of white. He is 5’9″ and weighs between 160-180 pounds. He normally comes around the dining halls for lunch but is generally quite shy. If you see him, please do not chase him but call to him from a distance. If you have gold fish or other crunchy bite sized snacks, shake them gently and he may approach you. Make no sudden moves.

Sincerely,

Louise de Guise, Public Safety and Animal Control Officer