Dear President Cotton, The Board of Trustees would like to communicate to you our concern about the current situation of upper level administrators at the college. After a careful review of payroll from last month, the Board notes that there are now three individuals occupying the position of Provost. They are, as you no doubt know by now, Vice Interim Provost Lionel Brouxet (who answers to the Board of Trustees), Interim Vice Provost Candy Martin (who answers to you) and Associate Assistant Vice Interim Provost Fulgenze DeBaptiste (whose provenance, remit, pay, etc are known to no one). It is unseemly to have such overlap of authority, made worse by sporadic reports of three way shouting matches between the three administrators at recent meetings. All three individuals were seen drinking alcohol before, during, and after the incident. We also understand that the three provosts have recruited gangs of students, staff, and faculty to their causes and have funded these individuals and groups both through unmandated allocations to programs and departments, but also outright cash payments. There is also a rumor, unsubstantiated at this point, and hopefully false, that there have been several violent incidences between gangs affiliated with Brouxet, Martin, and DeBaptiste. The most recent episode was reported to involve the deployment of both fire arms and blunt instruments, including lead pipes, lap tops, and shovels.
Henry, where are we going with this?
With sincere concern, The Willard College Board of Trustees