[The following is an audio transcript of the 2015 Willard College Commencement Address. Please do not reproduce, adulterate, or tamper with this text without the written permission of Willard College. Sections where the audio is unclear will be indicated by brackets, like the one at the end of this sentence.]

Welcome to the 2015 Willard College Commencement Experience: The Address! It will be hard to live up to last year’s Commencement, but let’s try, shall we?  First, some business. If the tear gas is causing your eyes to become irritated, remember that we have bottled water for sale at the concession stands located at the rear of each seating section. [Inaudible for 45 seconds] Apparently I missed the memo about the various efforts to subvert our beautiful Commencement. There are [inaudible], who thrive on fomenting all manner of grievance and griping about [inaudible]. They’ve been in the national news, but I am disappointed to see them spoiling our beautifully renovated cam [inaudible for 16 seconds].

The last year has been a [inaudible]. Certainly, we’ve had our [inaudible]. [Inaudible] and so Cheryl Tina Faye Cotton couldn’t join us today because she is [inaudible].

I [sound of Police and Fire emergency vehicles]. Let me just add that [inaudible] wishes the Class of 2015 a [inaudible].

[Transcriber note: President Cotton, the Provost Triumvirate, the Board of Trustees, etc. are being evacuated in a Willard College Security Armored Vehicle]

[This concludes the audio transcription].