Dear (President) Cotton,

I respectfully wish to report a disturbing conversation that I had with a colleague, Shawn Chululu-Gutenburg, Professor of Communication, this afternoon in which he admitted that he is not reading students’ final papers and that he is assigning final grades in a manner that could be generously described as haphazard. Given the renovation of Willard College and the new regime following the down fall of ex-president Creedmoor, I trust that this report will be both of interest and utility as you purge the college of the sick residue of the former administration and bring us forward into the light and the glory.

Sincerely, Simoneque DuBoise-Trevoit, Professor of French Poetry

Please join us for a (Re)Connect with (President) Cotton next Wednesday for stimulating conversations, light refreshments, and a chance to have honest and heartfelt conversations about the future Willard College!

Dear Willard College Community, Dr. Henry Cotton has been reinstated as President of Willard College effective 9am EST today. Ex-provost and ex-acting president Creedmoor was escorted off campus by College Public Safety late last night.

Sincerely, the Board of Trustees

Winter at Willard College Semester is offering a two week intensive Russian for Real Estate. Learn key phrases like “the cash is in the blue suitcase,” “laundromat,” “you don’t look like you feel so good,” and “gold plated toilet.” Russian is an easy language but this course will make it also a fun language! Tuition includes field trips, a suitcase, and a video camera.