Dear Louise de Guise, Public Safety and Animal Control Officer and Special Assistant to Provost Vandergrind, Dr. Pousse de Fauteuil,
As you learned from the emergency notification sent to the campus community last night, we suffered a massive and long-lasting power outage. We have restored power to the campus, which you will know because you are reading this email. Sadly, we did take a significant financial hit. You’ll recall that prior to retiring, Dr. Flanders Loon, former director of the Poultry Studies program, purchased a significant amount of chicken for pennies on the dollar. We had, upon his explicit directions, stored this supply of chicken in the dining hall freezer lockers. Dr. Loon estimated we had enough chicken to last dining services for nine years. Now we have nine years worth of chicken rotting in our freezers.
I’ll need some extra staff to help dispose of the lost poultry product and to clean the freezers.
Howard Syracuse, Director of Dining Services