Confidential: Concerning the Enrollment Threat Posed to Willard College by Pinecone College

Dear Willard College Senior Leaders,

We are detecting a new and troubling trend was we attempt to stanch the gapping enrollment wound faced by the college. It appears that many of the demographic traditionally drawn to Willard College is opting for Pinecone College. As you may or may not know, Pinecone College went into bankruptcy several years ago and was on financial life support from the COVID relief funds. And so I regretfully report that Pinecone College is giving Willard College a run for our money.

As an enrollment management professional, I can assure you that we are doing everything we can. But I think the problem rests with a high level of reputational damage suffered by the college during the past several decades. Repeated problems with arson directed against the administration, fecal vandalism of the museum, dorms without heat or running water, riots by students at graduation, academic programs that exist on paper but not in reality, low faculty morale sparked by continual pay and benefits cuts, impending indictments against senior administrators for money laundering, and the list goes on.

My unsolicited advice is that the administration consider focusing onthese impediments to raising enrollment.


Phoenicia Apple, Vice President of Enrollment Management

One thought on “Confidential: Concerning the Enrollment Threat Posed to Willard College by Pinecone College

  1. […] County Unified School District from K-12, except for 11th grade. In 1970 Mr. Kopek graduated from Pinecone College with a degree in botany. He went on to pursue several advanced degrees, and obtained the title ABD […]

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