Dear President Cotton,

We just received a long and angry note from Dr. Dale Richards, a scholar of Thirteenth Century Danish poetry, a professor in the English-Writing-French-Sociology Hybrid-Department. He is threatening to quite and “take my work into the private sector.” This is a great sign that our work in making Willard a sub-par employer of choice for faculty is working. How shall we proceed?

Sincerely,

Vice Provost Ralph Oxford