Willard College college tour goes missing

Dear Vice Provost of Financial Affairs and interim-General Counsel, Dr. Glutina Sucre

and Former Provost Gauleiter and temporary interim-President of Willard College

At approximately 2pm yesterday, a Willard College college tour went missing in the woods between the Charcot Dining Hall and the lake. In addition to the guide, there are approximately 24 parents and prospective students lost in the woods, or perhaps drowned in the lake. Aside from trying to locate these people, the College is working on a public statement that reminds the public that everyone on the tour had signed a document promising that neither they nor their heirs, family, or friends, would sue on their behalf should anything untoward occur during the tour. Briefly, this incident is neither our fault nor our legal responsibility. Therefore, our efforts to locate these unfortunate, and possibly already dead, individuals should be lauded. Our statement does not mention the growing problem of feral dogs and hogs in the countryside surrounding the College, a matter that I believe we are close to resolving once the county grants us a sufficiently relaxed “poison permit.”

Director of Public Safety, Sidney Cullather

One thought on “Willard College college tour goes missing

  1. […] career in Washington, D.C. His first task will be to manage the unfolding story of the missing Willard College college tour group. Mr. Spicer comes highly recommended from his last […]

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