Enrollment Figures for 2013-2014

The U.S. border fence near EL PASO

The U.S. border fence near EL PASO (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

By now you have read the disappointing news about the college’s 2013-2014 enrollment. The low numbers are a result of poor recruitment output in some of our traditionally strong markets, and also a record number of students transferring to other colleges. But let me remind you that enrollment figures never tell the whole story of a college. As we realign and adjust, we are fortunate that recent capital improvements to some of the older facilities at Willard has allowed us to reposition the college as a premier conference center of national stature. Upcoming conferences like the ones listed below represent important opportunities to diversify Willard’s brand while also creating positive revenue streams.

  • Sylvester County Road De-Icing Conference

An exciting opportunity for County Highway Commissioners to meet and discuss the major issues in the field, we ask that the Department of English vacate their offices so as to make room for the various break-out sessions. You may wish to remove any valuables from your offices.

This three days conference on the transition from unconventional warfare to border security will feature some of the top defense contractors in the United States. During the time of the conference, only persons with Level 2 Security clearances may enter the campus. The Office of Public Safety will be joined by Blackwater for securing the campus and its perimeter.

Willard College was especially excited by this opportunity not only for the high value participants that it will attract, but also because we are looking to move our entire endowment portfolio into shares of this precious commodity.

  • Academic Publishing: Does anyone care?

This conference will provide a sobering analysis of whether academic publishing should exist. Break out sessions will include: The Psychological Toll of Low Sales, Recovering from the Bad Review, and The Ethics of Assigning your Own Book to Undergraduates. This conference will have no impact on the normal operations of the campus.

This event is sponsored by the leading academic publishing companies.

Sincerely, Henry Cotton

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s