High Priority!
We received information today that indicates that Francisco Marshall Zanz is dialing back his interest in Willard after Swamp College made him a pitch. The Office of Enrollment Management is on 24-7 emergency footing to snatch this prospective student from Swamp. We have the whole team on it. Laser focused.
Phoenicia Apple, Vice President of Enrollment Management and Gary Chorizo, General Counsel
Willard College 
Does Willard have a Clownscaping course? This might appeal to this student, combining environmental interests with, of course, clowning.
[…] continue to be in crisis mode. First, Francisco Marshall Zanz is threatening to jump ship to Swamp College (or Pinecone College). And now Jimmy Salad is asking […]