President Henry Cotton Refuses to Resign, Announces Promotion

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Dear Campus Beloved Community, I wish to directly address unfounded and scurrilous rumors concerning my alleged resignation as president of Willard College. Literally nothing could be further from the truth. In point of fact, the Board of Trustees has announced my promotion to President and Senior Chief Financial Executive. In further point of fact, Dr. Cheryl Tina Fae Cotton, in recognition of her tireless work on my behalf and of the college, has been appointed as a lifetime member of the Board of Trustees.

Rumors hurt. Rumors kill. If you hear a rumor, it is your job to not just not spread the rumor, but to report it directly to me. I have recently appointed Johnny “Sparkles” Pringle as my new Chief of Internal Intelligence. His office will collect and assess all internal communications that may be occurring that we view as impinging on the operational functionality of the college.

In closing, I ain’t going no where.

Sincerely, PRESIDENT and Senior Chief Financial Executive Henry Cotton, Ph.D.

2 thoughts on “President Henry Cotton Refuses to Resign, Announces Promotion

  1. Cotton at his most manly! More power to him! Enough is never enough!

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