During the Granular Examination process, the Office of Student Clubs determined that best practices preclude the Willard College Cooking Club from cooking. As the report noted “we are following best practices as exemplified by Penn State’s recent ban of the Outdoors Club going outdoors. Cooking, like camping, hiking, canoeing, walking, bird-watching, etc., is dangerous and the College should not incur financial loss or brand damage that may proceed from accidents or other incidents.” Effective immediately, students may not cook on campus.
Sincerely,
Dr. Cándido Foa, PhD
Willard College 
Wonderful, tho’ Penn State had so beautifully prepared the (indoors) ground for you that your parodic energy was barely called for! What schmucks University Administrators have become. I liked the Penn State Outing Club’s President’s riposte!
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Parody is dying, which is a good thing. Parody breeds contempt for constituted authority and causes confusion.