Willard College’s New Provost of Non-Academics, Dr. Narcisse Nefasto

Joan Crawford - Hollywood Star Walk - Los Angeles Times

Dear Campus Community, We could not be more thrilled to welcome Provost of Non-Academics, Dr. Narcisse Nefasto. After directing several institutions in upstate New York, Ohio, and Slovenia, we feel fortunate that Dr. Nefasto took a gamble and joined the Willard Team! Dr. Nefasto will head up a number of as yet unnamed “Special Initiatives” as the campus realigns mission, budget, endowment, and enrollment!

Sincerely, Provost Vandergrind

Professor Dunce “Dutch” Ganache Checks His Privilege

Kaaren Verne and Peter Lorre - FamousFix.com post

Doctor Dunce “Dutch” Ganache has just published a compendium of his essays, “Checking My Privilege: A Reader.” A popular professor of English at Willard College for many decades, “Dutch” as he is fondly called by his many friends, including President Cotton, share remarks about his new book. “Checking My Privilege” was made possible by the generosity of President Cotton, to whom we should all thank for his tireless, fearless, and selfless leadership.

Let’s all try to do better, as Dr. Dunce “Dutch” Ganache has done. Let’s be positive. Let’s focus on the positive that we can achieve for ourselves, for our students, and for the Willard College!

Sincerely, Provost Vandergrind

Memo to Faculty and Staff: If your Key or Key Card No Longer Works

Man looking man opening door - MUF001455 - Frank Muckenheim/Westend61

Dear Faculty and Staff,

If your Key or Key Card No longer works this is because you have been terminated. We apologize for the inconvenience but the staff person who would normally send termination letters was terminated last week. The facilities manager who manages access is still with us from an employment point of view. You may retain the key or key card post-employment.

With deep appreciation,

Special Assistant to Provost Vandergrind, Dr. Pousse de Fauteuil

A Note from Special Assistant to Provost Vandergrind, Dr. Pousse de Fauteuil Regarding Faculty Morale

Francisco Franco - Biography, Facts & Death - HISTORY

Dear Faculty, Between announced layoffs, COVID-19, and the compensation readjustment, we have been hearing from faculty. Please remember that the President, Dr. Henry Cotton, and his team, care deeply and humanely about each and every one of you. Words and actions cannot truly express the emotional bond we feel towards you.

Please bear this in mind as we move inexorably towards the conclusion of the semester and the implementation of the Emergency Readjustment Plan.

Sincerely, Assistant to Provost Vandergrind, Dr. Pousse de Fauteuil

A Note from Special Assistant to Provost Vandergrind, Dr. Pousse de Fauteuil Regarding Office Furniture

Maison MAILFERT – Orléans - Paire de fauteuils de style Louis XVI en bois  naturel[...] | lot 308 | Belle Vente Mobilière (Orléans) chez Pousse Cornet  - Valoir | Auction.fr

Dear Faculty,

During the period of Restructuring please refrain from removing office furniture, computers, doorknobs or other hardware, or carpeting from your offices. These are property of Willard College. Please also remember that Willard College is currently in a State of Siege. See the memorandum regarding conduct that is not permitted for any employee.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanks, Special Assistant to the Provost, Dr. Pousse de Fauteuil

Please Consider a Monthly Lifetime Pledge to the Willard College Endowment!

Peter Lorre – Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes

We hate to ask our beloved and special Willard College community to contribute to the Willard College Endowment but we are at a critical stage. After a series of completely unforeseeable and unfortunate investment errors, the Willard College Endowment is in a precarious situation. If the proverbial tank is not refilled soon, we may have to make further cuts to the institution that you love to love, Willard College.

Please give now. Give big. Give a lot.

Thanks, President Henry Cotton

Willard College Fall 2020 Education Plan: Correspondence Courses

Dear Willard College Students, your families, caretakers, loved ones, etc.

While other colleges jump on the bandwagon of online education in response to the COVID-hoax, Willard College is going forwards by going backwards to the GREAT American tradition of by-mail correspondence courses. Each week, students will receive a package from each faculty. Please fill out the required materials and mail back. Remember to affix the correct postage.

Please also note that not all the faculty who were employed at Willard College last spring are currently employed with us. We expect by mid-November, all course reassignments will be complete. In the meantime, please be patient as we repurpose and humanely redistribute the remaining beloved faculty.

Sincerely, Provost Vandergrind and President Dr. Henry Cotton

Associate Vice Provost Milton Vandergrind Announces Preliminary COVID Plans

Dear Colleagues, While we continue to hash out the details of what the Fall semester will look like, we are excited to announce sever preliminary steps that we feel will enhance our capacity, ease transitions and pivots, and to provide us some initial benchmarks.

  1. Renovate and increase capacity of the old Willard Asylum morgue
  2. Purchase a new backhoe for increasing our capacity to dig graves
  3. Renovate the old asylum cemetery and assess new burial sites
  4. Restart Athletics program

Please keep an eye on your email over the summer for more updates!

Sincerely, Associate Vice Provost Milton Vandergrind