Willard College announces that Harry “Jellyroll” Jenkins has separated from employment after 19 years of loyal, selfless, and often legally perilous service. “Jellyroll” served in many key roles at the college, including adjunct professor of poetry, a public safety officer, defensive assistant coach to the football team, towel boy for the wrestling team, and most recently, as President Cotton’s personal security director. It was in that last position that “Jellyroll” performed a number of tasks that were mission critical to keeping our president, his family, and entourage, safe from a number of physical and financial threats. “Jellyroll” resolved a number issues, including several threats of extortion and lawsuits, for which President Cotton is grateful!

Good luck “Jellyroll.” We remain in your hearts as you head out, silently, into your next role.

Provost Lying