Willard College excitedly welcomes our new Provost of Students. In his spare time, Provost of Students collects  nineteenth-century dental instruments, manages his four passports, each with a different name and nationality, and visits laundromats, nail salons, and car washes.

Dear Faculty, A gentle reminder to look at Dr. Cotton’s memorandum regarding Pepper McGhee, a senior football athlete student player and the son of Daisy and Wilsson McGhee (Willard College ’86) is not getting anything below an A- this semester. This message has been approved by Dr. Cotton.

Sincerely,

The Department of Athletics and Alumni Affiars

Dear Faculty, The English Department has been suspended pending a report on the cause of a late-night fire that consumed their facilities. If you have any leads to as which English faculty member started the fire, please contact me at esoved@willard.edu

Sincerely, Dean of Faculty Provosts, Elizabeth Soved, PhD

Are you searching for your authentic self? Does your authenticity lag behind your colleagues? Is your authentic person hiding behind a shroud of other people, other personalities? Who are you? And how does this impact your deep and authentic voice as an impassioned instructor, top researcher, and ambassador of the Willard College Brand? Please join President Dr. Henry Cotton and his life partner, Cheryl Tina Faye Cotton, director of Psychological Services, for a ten hour workshop. Spots in the “Authenticity Training Workshop: From the Who to the I?” are going fast.

Willard Forever Shall We Fight

Come on, comrades in strong ranks,

Let’s march toward the future.

We’re audacious and fierce phalanxes,

Ready to dare, ready to dare.

Finally triumphs the ideal

For which we fought so much:

Willard brotherhood

Of Willard civilization.

Youth, youth,

Spring of beauty,

In Willard’s the salvation

Of our provost leadership team evaluation.

No more slothful nor disheartened

Remains still our people,

They reawakened to new life

Of more powerful splendor.

Come on, let’s raise high the torch

Which lights the way,

In work and in peace

Is true excellence everywhere.

Youth, youth,

Spring of beauty,

In Willard’s the salvation

Of our best practices.

In vigils of trenches

Dark wind of machine gun

Wrapped us in the Willard flag

Which we stirred to the battle.

Victorious at the new sun,

Close to her we must fight,

It’s Willard that wants this,

For Willard we’ll win.

Youth, youth,

Spring of beauty,

In Willard’s the salvation

Of our cost reductions.

Arise at last administrator.

Arrived is the day of revenge.

They defrauded your sweat

With the call to riot.

Down with the traitors’ bandages

Which reduce you to chains;

To the pillory, the imposters

Of non-Willard virtue.

Youth, youth,

Spring of beauty,

In Willard’s the salvation

Of our assessment protocols.

Dear Foreign Language Faculty, We have Off-Shored and Out-Sourced foreign language studies to College Platon in Montreal. Now our students can study Japanese, Polish, Chinese, Russian, French, Bulgarian, German, English, Turkish, Swedish, etc. in French. If everyone could make sure to drop off your keys before the end of the day that would be much appreciated and will make this difficult transition easier.

No one is more grateful for your tireless service and sacrifice. No one loves the study of foreign language more than I do.

President Dr. Henry Cotton, Ph.D.