Dear Willard College Student Bodies,

Starting in the Spring semester, there will be changes to food labeling at the Willard College Dining Facilities. To reduce confusion and to increase inclusion, food types will be labeled with a new and updated color coding system. Please put to memory the code as it will not be posted at the food service areas of the cafeterias. We are also eliminating signage that explains what the food is, only what it contains or does not contain. The new system was made possible by a generous grant from the Pudding Family.

Sign Color Key

Orange: Non gluten

Green: Vegan

Purple: Vegan and non-gluten

Pink: Contains seafood, including shell fish

Dark Brown: Contains Nuts

Light Brown: Contains Red meat

Black: Contains Soy

Yellow: Contains Artificial Sweetners

Fuchsia: Contains Ingredients Produced in Slave-like conditions (domestic and international)

Grey: Contains Ingredients unknown

Please commit this list to memory.

Sincerely, Joe Hairnett, Assistant Director of Dining Services

Dear President Cotton, I wish to draw your attention to a crisis in film studies. You are no doubt familiar with the antics of Professor Irene Gala and her husband Professor Gland Gala. Their course, American Film through Film Studies is legendary. And controversial. What follows is a summary and compilation of student complaints. Taken in their sum, we feel that the demonstrate a serious crisis in this class

“Gala and Gala forces students to take sides in their constant fights over different films. One of them will point at a student and ask: “So Ms. A., who is right here, and why? Tell me NOW g-d-t! You can’t weasel out of it!”

“Gala and Gala are often (no always) drunk, if not at the start of the class, by the end of it. A lot of us find this really embarasing. I mean, it’s like seeing your parents drunk.”

“Gland Gala (is that really his first name) calls his wife a “despicable daughter of a whore.” Irene Gala, and I quote, once said the following: “Gland, you one-balled pustule. I should have listened to your mother when she said: “Marry Gland? Oh, dear, don’t do that. Ask his ex-wives.”

“At some point in every class, they both start crying, apologize to each other, lie down on the floor and cuddle. It is so cringey. A little piece of me dies every time I see this. Make it stop.”

“The movies are all just complete crap. Weird movies that went straight to VHS in the 1980s. A lot of the time, the Galas saw them in the 1980s and can’t remember what they are about.”

I could go on. But you get the idea.

Provost Lying