Dear Campus Community, Late last week, Dr. Larry Shames, Biology, found a half-used deodorant and is trying to locate its owner. The attached photograph shows the deodorant and the location where Dr. Shames discovered it. In the interest of reuniting the deodorant with its owner, Dr. Shames has canceled classes and office hours, and has making a point to visit every single faculty, staff, and student. While we applaud Dr. Shames’ tireless, relentless perhaps, efforts, we feel that our social media might be of service so that Dr. Shames can return to his regular duties.

When not chasing down the owner of deodorant, Dr. Shames works in the field of cryptozoology. During his storied career at Willard College, Dr. Shames has (self) published papers that prove the existence of the Loch Ness Monster and other hitherto poorly understood fauna.

Thanks,

Eufalua Cotton, Executive Administrative Secretary to Provost Lying, Gary Chorizo, General Counsel-interim and Glendale Poulet, Director of Public Safety