Dear Esteemed Board of Trustees,

We recently discovered that Donald Cake, General Counsel of Willard College, received his law degree from the Sylvester County Recycle and Reuse Center. That is to say, to put a finer point on the question, he found a framed law degree on the shelves, purchased said degree, and thereafter presented himself as a bar-certified attorney. We had found some of his legal counsel over the years rather unorthodox. He assured us, for example, that using college endowment money to fund administrator vacations, was within the law. His consultations with human resources also proved costly to the college.

We know that the board of trustees will understand that mistakes were made in hiring Donald Cake.

Gary Chorizo has generously offered to return to campus and will serve as General Counsel-interim.

Sincerely, Provost Lying

Dear Willard College Administrative Team,

Around 11am yesterday, Dining Services fielded a call from a distraught student whose food order from one of our 95 campus vending machines had failed to complete. We immediately filled out the necessary paper work and quickly dispatched an Emergency Response Unit to assess the situation. As you can see from the attached photograph, a bag of chips had become trapped during the vending process. When the ERU arrived on the scene, we addressed the afflicted student, and then put in a call to the vendor. Meanwhile, we secured the perimeter to prevent other individuals from utilizing the vending machine. The vendor arrived at 12:13pm and managed to free the bag of potato chips after a brief intervention. The vending machine was then carefully assessed for technical problems. The technician determined that the machine was fully operational and vacated the premises at 1:35pm.

Dining Services would like to thank the ERU team, Provost Lying, Eufalua Cotton, Executive Administrative Secretary to Provost Lying, President Cotton, and the Board of Trustees.

Chauncy Fly, Director of Dining Services