Dear President Cotton, I just received a note from Johnny Willard, President of Swamp College, telling me that he is authorizing all available Public Safety Officers to proceed immediately to Willard College to quell the ongoing disturbances on our campus. President Willard mentioned that while “Dr. Cotton and I have had our differences over the years, we both agree on the importance of maintaining order on campus.” That message came late last night, however, and the officers have not yet appeared. We believe that they may be having difficulty finding Willard College so we’ve sent a unit out to locate their whereabouts.

OK, back to the issue at hand.

Provost Vandergrind