Dear Board of Trustees,

I figured you all should hear it from me, Pastel Lumbar, Athletic Director, and not from the media. Willard College’s Equestrian Team has been permanently banned from competition. Hey, it is bullshit but let me tell you what the state is telling me and Jimmy Crackers. Basic rundown: some problems with medication of the horses, possible action on school based competition, some allegations of having the team race horses on weekends, and some questions about conditions in the stables. The whole thing is a bad beat. Anyway, even money Crackers can get us of the fix we are in.

OK, give a call because I’d rather not have anything else down on paper. Can’t figure out this email thing.

Pastel Lumbar, Athletic Director