Dear President Cotton,
The Office of Public Safety is currently dealing with active fires at the following locations: your office, your parking space, the Athletics Center, Financial Aid, all of the cafeterias, the FlexFax Offices, Provost Gauleiter’s office and parking space, the mobile Department of Foreign and Modern Languages, and Career Services. At present, we see no indication of arson or other criminal intent.
Lieutenant Colonel Frank O’Malley
Office of Public Safety